I don’t know about you guys but when I first started this recovery thing back in 2013 I had a set of goals in my head that I wanted to achieve before I could say I was recovered. These goals weren’t a set of numbers; target weight per say or target calories but a list of things I wanted to find the confidence to be able to do or in some cases do again.
Most of my problems and subsequent goals were food related. I’m not good at eating new foods, foods not prepared by someone I know, not eating at a set time and I used to fear people judging me whilst I eat which meant social eating was well out of the question.
To some extent I’ve hit those goals. I’m happy to go to a fast food restaurant on my way to or from a motorsport event. I can also eat in a crowded area and don’t feel judged. The quality of food I set out to try isn’t there though. I’m still mostly eating rubbish. I can also eat in a crowded area if the other people are busy doing there own thing. I still get uneasy if people look at me which will make going out to dinner with friends or taking that pretty girl out to dinner an impossible task.
The problem I have is that I’ve progressed so far into my goals that I can do the things I want to do. I’ve battled back my problems with food enough for it to not hinder me going racing which is what is most important to me and eat enough to make the heavier aspects of my job not a problem. The social aspect of eating is still a far away goal which I seem to have no strive to achieve. I’ve become content with my recovery and am no longer pushing my boundaries.
Can we really call such contentment recovery though? At the end of the day I’m still not doing things that other normal people can do without thinking about and my diet certainly isn’t as varied and balanced as a normal 20 something year old’s should be.
Does anyone ever feel the same? In any area of life? That although they have not achieved the goals they set out for, they have come far enough and no longer feel the need to push the boundary. How does one overcome such a block?
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